Saturday, November 26, 2011

Thankful for the Muppets

My boys spent the last few days with my parents and today they finally came home. I was surprised at how much I missed them and immediately ran to hug and kiss them and tell them how much I love them.

My mother teased me by asking them, "Are you sure you want to go home, boys? Don't you want to stay with Nonna and Poppa one more night?"

Owen looked up at Grandma, shook his head and said, "Uh-uh." That's my boy.

Dawson told me he was so happy to be home because he missed me. He gave me the biggest hug he could muster and told me he loved me. It's true what they say; absence makes the heart grow fonder.

The kiddos were in an unusually good mood. For a moment I wondered if they were the same children who left me on Wednesday. It didn't take long for my real children to surface.

"I'm huuuuungry!" Dawson whined.

Owen ran around the dining room, chasing the dog. Run, Murphy, run!

I tossed the boys in the bathtub and then we got dressed to go see the matinee showing of The Muppet Movie. Dawson's friends, Taylor and Trevor, came along with us. We had popcorn and sodas and I was thankful that the kids were well behaved.

Okay, Owen had a 5-second fit because he was out of popcorn but I quickly shared the rest of mine with him and all was right with the world again.

The movie was great. I felt like a kid again. I didn't realize how much I missed Kermit. And Miss Piggy. And Fozzie Bear. And Rowlf the Dog. And Beaker! Oh...and the Swedish Chef! "Aweenda shmure da froog's legs! Bork bork bork!" Can't forget Animal! My favorite crazy drummer. Jim Henson, you were a genius.

I sang along just like I did as a child.

"It's time to play the music,
It's time to light the lights,
It's time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight."

Halfway through the movie, Dawson whispered to me, "Were these Muppets around when you were a kid?" I nodded and he said, "Wow, they're kind of old then, right?"
Oh, the pain in my heart! I'm not that old, kiddo!

Okay, maybe I am! Mahna Mahna!

I love that I can spend time with my boys doing fun things that they'll remember when they are all grown up.

I love these kids so much and I thank God each day for allowing me the privilege of being their mother. Life was good today.

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Wednesday, November 23, 2011

A Test of Faith

I'm feeling down lately. I am working on sorting through all of my emotions but it's more difficult than I anticipated. I'm going through some things that I haven't yet been able to put into words. I want to write what I'm feeling but I haven't felt right about it. I can only describe it in my head. It's as though my mouth has been covered with duct tape.

I realized a few days ago that I'm repeating a pattern day after day. I wake up early to get ready for work. I dress my kids and struggle to get them, and me, out the door on time. I spend eight hours working at a job I love (yes, I realize this makes me an insurance geek). I pick up the boys from school and daycare. I change into my pajamas and spend the rest of the evening doing my homework, helping Dawson with his reading assignments, and then reading the news online.

The news is part of my problem. I'm tired of reading article after article about missing babies, negligent parents who beat their 13-month-old babies to death and leave their toddlers unattended in a bathtub to drown. I'm sick of wondering what happened to Baby Lisa. I have cried every day over these tragedies. I have cried over Baby Tyler's death more than I care to admit. I'm still angry about Caylee Anthony's murder.

It's very difficult for me to admit that I've missed Mass several times over the last few weeks. I'm terrified that I'm losing faith in everything I thought I knew about God and His plan. However, I've found myself praying more often. It is God that has helped me to accept that Baby Tyler is in a better place. God saved him from his mother - and I know that sounds crazy. I would give anything to wake up tomorrow and realize Tyler's tragic death is a bad dream. I want so badly for him to be alive. I wish the same for Caylee. And the beautiful twin babies. I want all those children back. I want them safe from harm and loved and cherished. I want an end to abortion. When will it end? When will all this torture end?

These crimes against children eat away at me. Perhaps it's because I'm a mother and I love my children so very much. I would be out of my mind if something horrible happened to my boys. It's difficult for me to accept that some parents do not love their children as much. I cannot grasp the fact that some parents abuse or murder their children. To do such horrible things to an innocent child makes me sick to my stomach.

It's these thoughts that creep into my mind and for a brief moment I wonder why God would let these tragedies happen. I know in my heart that things happen for reasons I don't have the mental capacity to comprehend.

It is a test of my faith.

All I can do is pray. All I can do is believe that God is with us.